If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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