She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
