dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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