i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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