so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Randomize
