I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
