dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
