No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
