Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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