My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
it's like heaven, but drunker
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
