she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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