why didn't you poke me back
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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