I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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