once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
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Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
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im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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