chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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