oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
