After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
