my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
