guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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