I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
