..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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