i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize
