I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
