I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
