she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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