She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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