I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
