I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
