you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
