my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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