considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i will never coherently bang her
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
