do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I still have a little drunk in my system
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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