you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
