we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
That accounts for only three of the penises
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize