I'm really into asian looking animals
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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