whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
