he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
