Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
