Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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