After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
