It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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