did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
