Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
