I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
