I skipped work to stalk him.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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