Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
