So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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