I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
How's work?
Spinning.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
