I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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