I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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