wake up i wanna do it froggy style
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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