just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
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The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
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Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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