I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Your cock deserves a montage
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
