Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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