Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
