Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
