yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
