guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
