The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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