she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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