ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Randomize
