Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Randomize
