he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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