i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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