note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
