Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
