we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
