Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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