don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
