after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
