im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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