The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Is Oprah even human
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
