i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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