i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
