plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
