Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
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Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
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Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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