so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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