Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
